When to Shape a Culture and When to Leave and Build One

When Influence is No Longer Enough

Photo by Mantas Hesthaven on Unsplash

Special thanks to Caleb Morato from the Arena for inspiring me to write this week’s topic. I appreciate you, Caleb!

In the Parking Lot

I was in my car after another meeting about nothing. I was doing what I do when I'm irritated: texting my wife, Patience, to complain. It was the same rant I've subjected her to over and over again throughout the years. "These people absolutely don't get it. We keep talking about culture, but nothing changes. It's like they want to sound like they care, but they're all so scattered that nobody can see what actually matters."

I watched the little dots bounce while she typed back. Her response read: "So what are you going to do about it?"

I sighed. Because the honest answer was: nothing. I wasn't actually trying to solve anything. I was just trying to be right. I'd gotten so comfortable pointing out what everyone else wasn't doing that I had completely forgotten what I could do.

I could see in that moment what I'd been avoiding. I had been pouring energy into trying to change a culture that didn't have any desire to be changed. Meanwhile, I was ignoring the possibility that maybe my job wasn't to fix what existed. Maybe it was to build what should exist.

Have you ever felt this tension? We spend so much energy trying to influence the cultures we're a part of, but we often forget that we have the power to create new ones entirely. Sometimes the most radical thing you can do isn't to keep railing against a broken system. It's to stop pushing and start building.

The Power and Limits of Influence

I want to be upfront with this: it's a good thing to try to influence broken systems from within. A few months ago, I wrote a piece about being "Stuck in the Right Place." In that entry, I suggested that sometimes the key to getting unstuck is your perspective, not your position. And, in fact, this is often how real change happens. Many of my successes in culture creation have involved stepping into something dysfunctional, figuring out what was off, and going after the fix. But there are cases where this is an exercise in insanity. And then what do you do?

Over the last 30 years that I have been developing leaders, I have repeated John C. Maxwell's axiom that leadership is about influence, not authority. You absolutely do not need a title to be a leader. Yet, in my coaching life over the last few years, I find more and more leaders who have legitimate influence but are still stuck. Because they're embedded within systems that are resistant to change. Within structures that are stacked against their ability to exert their influence to create meaningful progress.

Here's what happens to these leaders, in my experience: their influence gets swallowed by the dysfunction around them. It gets choked out without making any change happen.

You have to figure out when people are listening to you and when they're just nodding and smiling.

Do you spend more time explaining why change is necessary than implementing it? Do you find yourself having the same "alignment" conversation meeting after meeting without seeing any measurable shift? Are you writing more emails or Slack posts about culture than you are capturing moments that demonstrate it? Do people nod in meetings and still change nothing afterward?

The critical question that you must ask yourself is this: Are you shaping culture, or have you simply become its chief apologist?

Now, senior leaders, let me let you in on a little secret. If you've had someone on your team who used to talk a lot about culture and clarity, but they've stopped bringing it up? It didn't stop mattering to them. They didn't stop believing in the need for change. They stopped believing that you care about it. And if you value that person, you'd better bring it back up. Because I'm about to give them some hard advice.

How do you know when you've crossed that line from "this is hard but worth it" into "this is just damage control?" How do you make the distinction between temporary resistance and permanent dysfunction?

The Big Red Flag

One of the clearest signs of organizational health is how a culture responds to requests for clarity. Healthy cultures may not always love difficult conversations, but they don't systematically avoid them.

Maybe I need to say a word here about what I mean by "clarity." It's a word that gets thrown around the business world like the F-bomb in a biker bar. I once had a colleague who parroted the phrase "Clarity is kindness" at least once a meeting. Drove me crazy. So I don't want to be that guy. When I am talking about clarity, what I mean is having an understanding of specifically how things work and how they connect to what's really important. This requires us to know what is really important. It also requires us to communicate what is really important. Here's a test for you: Go to three people in your organization who are farthest from the executive level. Ask them, "What's the most important thing, right now, for our organization?" If all three of them don't give you something that at least resembles the same answer, you don't have clarity.

In case you think I'm just speaking from experience or theory here, there's research to back the clarity point up:

According to a meta-analysis in the Journal of Applied Psychology, "Setting specific difficult goals for groups leads to increased group performance compared to nonspecific goals and specific easy goals" (Kleingeld, A., van Mierlo, H., & Arends, L. (2011). The effect of goal setting on group performance: A meta-analysis. Journal of Applied Psychology, 96(6), 1289–1304. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0024315).

McKinsey and Company, one of the most prominent management consulting firms in the world, defines organizational health as rallying around a clear vision and translating it into daily behaviors. They call this strategic clarity and role clarity. Their data show that when these factors are weak, the odds of building a sustainable, high-performing organization drop to almost zero. (https://www.mckinsey.com/capabilities/people-and-organizational-performance/our-insights/rethinking-organizational-health-for-the-new-world-of-work?utm_source=chatgpt.com)

If you live in a "real world" where these and the many studies like them don't apply to your organization, I can't help you. But if you're on board, here's your litmus test: If a team won't or can't define the biggest things, there's a problem. We're talking purpose, values, direction. If everyone on a team can't speak to these, the rest is just performance theater.

When you cannot reach an agreement on what matters most, culture becomes a series of personal preferences rather than a shared mission. This will inevitably lead to silos and politics, as groups divide themselves based on which manager they like best or who makes them feel most included in a group.

A lot of times, keeping things vague is completely on purpose. It's a control thing. When everything's fuzzy, no one can be held accountable. Sometimes, it's fearful leadership. If nobody knows what the standard is, nobody gets their feelings hurt when you tell them they're falling short.

No matter how you slice it, the bottom line is this: Culture cannot be shaped where truth can't be spoken freely.

So when you start to spot these red flags everywhere, what's your next move?

When to Move

Ok, enough defining the problem. Let's talk action. Sometimes you just have to make the tough call and get out. Here are some things to look for: When people see clarity as annoying or threatening instead of helpful. When people keep saying "it's not the right time" to talk about gaps in culture. When no one will address the fact that the organization has published values publicly that no one is living out privately. When you feel more like a translator between dysfunction and the people affected by it than a contributor to solutions. When all of your energy is directed toward protecting others from the culture rather than improving it.

When your influence becomes a coping mechanism instead of a change strategy, you've crossed the line. Your responsibility as a change agent should be to model the better organization that yours is becoming. If you can't do that because you're shielding others from the organization that is, it's time.

If you're still reading this, it's likely you have been in this situation. Maybe you still are. But what I want to offer you is not just commiseration. I want you to have hope. Because if these things matter to you, really matter, then it is your calling and responsibility to get out and build the kind of culture that you can see in your mind's eye.

Yes, sometimes it means leaving. And that's really hard for some of us. I have stayed way too long in some jobs where I should have known for a long time that I wasn't going to be able to make any headway. But leaving isn't quitting. And it isn't giving up. It's choosing your battleground intentionally.

There is a distinction between just being frustrated and being called. If you're just frustrated, you're saying stuff like "This place is driving me nuts, but I have no idea what else to do." But if you're called, you're probably saying, "I can see what needs to be built. And it can't happen here."

You don't leave because it's hard. You leave when staying prevents you from becoming who you're called to be. Your ability to create a successful culture might just require a different audience. Different soil. That's not failure, it's just discernment. And honestly, sometimes the best gift that you can give to people who are stuck in a broken system is to show them there's a better way by building it somewhere else.

Don't let go of your vision because your current situation makes it feel unrealistic. Don't buy into the belief that organizational health and healthy culture are "nice to haves." The place where you can create change exists. And if it doesn't, maybe it's your calling to create it.

Maintaining Integrity While You Plan

I know not everyone can just pick up and leave immediately. Mortgages, families, and practical realities are not going away just because you have a calling. And these things matter.

So here are some suggestions on how to maintain integrity while you plan your transition: First, stop making excuses for dysfunctional behavior, even if you don't have the power to change it. It's not your responsibility to hide the blemishes. That's often how organizations fall into dysfunction in the first place.

Build a strong discipline of reflection. Document the patterns that you see so that you can learn from them and help others avoid them later.

Work on building skills and connections that will actually help you in better places. Right now is when you should be finding that mentor, coach, or ally who's going to have your back when you make your move. Don't wait till you're lost in the woods to look for someone to help you find the way.

Set a timeline. "If I don't see a change by this date, I will be ready to make a move." Stick to it. Don't be overly generous with a "little better."

Above all, remember: Staying in place temporarily for practical reasons is different from staying indefinitely out of false hope. If this is important to you, then you have to believe that you have the ability to make positive change somewhere. Just don't get caught in the trap of having to do it here.

Culture Check: A Diagnostic for Creators, Leaders, and Builders

Ask yourself these four questions. Be honest. Pay attention to the pattern of your answers:

1. What conversations are off-limits in this space? If the answer is anything regarding purpose, values, mission, or how these things connect to whatever you're doing at the moment, that's a red flag. If you have to wait to have these conversations until someone specific has left the room, that's a red flag.

2. Is clarity welcomed or consistently deflected? Remember, healthy cultures are hungry for clarity. Dysfunctional ones don't want to talk about it, usually because they are "too busy," or want to get to the "real work."

3. Do my efforts reinforce a clear mission, or do they cover up fundamental misalignment? Are you building or enabling?

4. Can I be the person that I am called to become here? If the environment doesn't elevate you, it's not meant for you.

Here's how to score your situation: If your answers are mostly positive, you're probably in a place where the culture can be shaped. Keep on building. If you're getting mixed answers, you might be in some kind of transition phase. Work on the spots where you can actually make things clearer while you get ready for whatever is coming next. If most of your answers are negative, start planning your way out. You're way better off building something fresh than trying to fix what's already broken.

The Culture You're Creating Right Now

As my wife reminded me in that text message, you don't fix culture by complaining about it. And you don't improve it by accommodating it. Every day, you are contributing to one culture or another. What you tolerate, what you normalize, and what you model are all acts of that creation. Whether you are cognizant of it or not, you are influencing culture. The question is whether you're proud of the influence you're having.

Don't spend so much time trying to fix the old that you forget your unique power to create the new.

Now, go be great.

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PS: I'd love to hear your story. Are you shaping culture where you are, or is it time to build something new? Hit reply and tell me where you are in this journey.

I'm planning an upcoming free group coaching session called Leading Change from the Inside Out. It's a 60-minute workshop for culture creators who feel stuck in their ability to create impact where they are. If you're interested, stay tuned to this space or shoot me an email at andrew@ideatrainingacademy.com

Also, if you're interested in growth insights from a more faith-based perspective, I've secretly been writing a little side project called Becoming: a Year in Progress here on Substack. It's a short, daily thought about how faith and transformation go hand in hand. You can check it out here.